Sorry is not Enough, Infidelity and Betrayal in Couples and Couple Therapy

Sorry is not Enough, Infidelity and Betrayal in Couples and Couple Therapy

Presented by: Ronald Mah, M.A., Ph.D.

Despite social, cultural, and personal standards of monogamy, affairs remain prevalent in many committed couples. Possibly the most difficult challenge in couple therapy, infidelity in a committed couple can manifest in a variety of forms and for a variety of reasons that reflect the personality and issues of unfaithful partners. The therapist is guided in making accurate assessment of causes and types of affairs leading to therapeutic strategies. Reality that apology no matter how sincere is not enough for recovery lead to areas of clinical exploration. Gender and cultural standards and differences are differentiated as well as characterological issues including personality disorders in the assessment process.

Authentic and inauthentic forgiveness in recovery, along with acceptance as an alternative approach/process are examined for reconciliation, as well as the roles of the unfaithful partner and the offended partner in creating the context of infidelity. Immediate considerations at the beginning of treatment including boundaries, decision-making, and discussing the impact of the affair lead to issues of intense scrutiny, transparency, flashbacks, trauma, and assessment of commitment along with etiological considerations such as attachment losses, social modeling, and family-of-origin dynamics that guide the therapist to identify the logic of infidelity and thus, the logic of recovery.

Learning Objectives:            

1.      Participants will be able to name types and functions for affairs/infidelity.

2.      Participants will be able to identify aspects that can make up the context of the affair.

3.      Participants will be able to identify stages of the affair and therapy.

4.      Participants will be able to name beneficial and problematic consequences of forgiveness vs. acceptance.

• Causes of Infidelity

• Prevalence

• Potential Cross-Cultural Issues
• Demographics
• Infidelity Triggers EVERYTHING

• Types and Function of Affairs
• One Night Stands
• Emotional Infidelity
• Gender & Emotional Intimacy
• Regular Occasional Liaisons
• Long-Term Parallel Relationships
• Affairs with a Purpose
• Transitional Developmental Affairs
• Hypersexual Affairs & Paraphiliac Affairs
• Post-Marriage/Pre-Marriage Affairs
• Affairs to Stabilize Relationships

• Characterological Issues
• Personality Disorders
• Patterns of Infidelity
• Partner & Relationship Characteristics
• Assumptions & Motivation
• Relationship Stability, Logic, and Fidelity
• Relationship Quality
• Commitment: Facile, Desperate, Unqualified, & Qualified
• Volition & Satisfaction

• Initial Stages of Affair and Therapy
• Turmoil
• Setting Boundaries
• Self-Care
• Time-Out & Venting Techniques
• Discussing the Impact of the Affair
• Coping with Flashbacks
• No Major Decisions

• Recovery & Healing
• Individual History and Assessment
• Therapist Confidence
• Therapy from Clinical Judgment

• Forgiveness as Part of Reconciliation
• Authentic & Inauthentic Forgiveness
• Judgment, Condemnation, & Forgiveness
• Acceptance vs. Forgiveness

• Transparency
• Intense Scrutiny
• Continued Infidelity & Secrecy
• Humanizing the Affair Partner

• Context for Infidelity
• Why?
• Theoretical Formulation of Infidelity
• Betrayal Upon Betrayal

• Trauma & Trust
• Transition from Vigilance to Trust

• Old Patterns of Behavior
• Logical Infidelity
• The Relationship After Infidelity

This training seeks to integrate the variety of experiences and insights from Dr. Mah's multiple experiences, to activate the experiences and wisdom of participants for practical clinical application

Ronald Mah, M.A., Ph.D.

Ronald Mah is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  Experiences include: author of “Difficult Behavior in Early Childhood,” 2006, “The One-Minute Temper Tantrum Solution” 2008, and “Getting Beyond Bullying and Exclusion, PreK-5, Empowering Children in Inclusive Classrooms,” 2009, Corwin Press and twenty e-books on therapy and couple therapy available at www.Smashwords.com; dvd's on child development and behavior, community mental health, Severe Emotional Disturbance school programs, vocational and welfare-to-work programs, Head Start, supervising a high school mental health clinic, supervising therapists, private practice psychotherapy. Education experiences: 16 years in ECE, owner childcare center, elementary & secondary teaching credentials, college instructor, and the Board of Directors of the California Kindergarten Association.  Also previously on the Board of Directors of the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapist and presenter for CAMFT conferences and symposiums; and currently on the Eastbay Chapter of CAMFT as well as various CAMFT committees.

The Refund Policy of CAMFT - CSJV Chapter, Inc is as follows: Fees for chapter events are nonrefundable except in the case the event is cancelled or rescheduled. 

Should you have a grievance, question or concerns regarding this course, the instructor, or any other aspects of our Continuing Education Program, please contact the Continuing Education Program Administrator or Chapter President. Contact information can be found on our website at www.camft-csjvchapter.org. Our Program Administrator will work diligently to rectify your concerns to your satisfactory as quickly as possible.

Facilities in which CAMFT - CSJV Chapter, Inc have agreed to utilize are accessible to persons with disabilities. If you have a special need and plan to attend the workshop, please contact Michael Crile, at (559) 931-5618 or michael.crile.lmft@gmail.com. Please allow as much advanced notice as is possible to ensure that we have ample time to meet your required needs.

This individual course meets the qualifications for 6 hours of continuing education credit for LMFTs , LCSWs, LPCCs, and/or LEPs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. Central San Joaquin Valley Chapter of CAMFT is approved by the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to sponsor continuing education for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs, and LEPs. CAMFT - CSJV Chapter, Inc maintains responsibility for this program/course and its content. (CEP #62276)